Bringing this back.

For my sweet Braeden. So when he wants to see what his life was like when he was a youngin... it's only a website away.
Crazy how times have changed, and we have the opportunity to do this! I lost my camera usb chord, so I have to go buy a new one... & when I do, I will be back! (:

I love love.

& everything it has to offer. I am lovin'. & totally lovin' hard. I love my family, my healthy happy son, my amazing supportive boyfriend, my clutch mom, my loving dad, & my down to earth brother. I love my caring, silly, person I can count on best friend Nicole. I love where I'm at and where I'm going.  I'm not saying I live a perfect life, because it's far from it, but I have so many things to be grateful for. Day to day, I'll complain about little things. "My feet hurt!" "I'm so sick of rude customers!" But those complaints are so petty compared to what I DO have.


I remember about two years ago, riding in the car with Matt & his uncle, thinking out loud, wondering "What was the point of having kids? They cry all the time, they poop, parents always complain... so why the hell do people decide to have them?!" He gave me some answer pretty much telling me that people have children to pass on all the things they have learned, and to keep their family going. Well, needless to say-- I still didn't get it. I wanted kids- someday, at this point in my life. But I couldn't help but wonder why someone would decide to make a baby, go through morning sickness, back ache of pregnancy, the pain of labor, having to squeeze pretty much a watermelon from a place that an object of that size, AND weight should not be coming out of. Then after all of that, have to deal with a crying, fussy, pooping, peeing, drooly baby. It baffled me. How people could DECIDE to do this.

Until August of 2010 when I found out I was pregnant. I can't sit here & say I understood the beauty of having a baby instantly. Because it didn't. It took a while to hit me, It took a while for me to understand there was something forming in my body. I did all my homework, I checked weekly, I watched my baby turn from a blueberry, to an orange, to the size of a banana, to a watermelon, to an actual baby. But anyway, I knew I wouldn't be able to go with adoption, and after a lot of consideration I knew abortion wasn't right for me either. It pained me to think of ending something that fought so hard to be where it was. Because trust me- we were being careful, AND responsible. I looked at it as "it was meant to be." & now that it's August 2011, Matt & I still say "it was meant to be...."

I remember seeing his heartbeat for the first time, & I loved from that instant. In my heart shaped uterus his tiny body the size of a kidney bean had a strong heartbeat. That was life. Inside my stomach, and that's when I decided that I'm going to embrace this. Being pregnant at 19 didn't mean I wasn't responsible, or I was a bad person. Things happened, & I was blessed with this heart beating inside me. I had no shame, no disappointment- I knew I could do it, no doubt. So embrace it I did. It still baffled me how it all came to be. Time goes on, and I did everything I possibly could to take care of my blueberry inside me. I ate the foods I was supposed to eat. I took my pre-natals & omega vitamins EVERY day. I made sure I didn't eat fish, didn't drink coffee or soda, I didn't do any heavy lifting at work. The farther along I got, the more excited I would be. I embraced the sh!t out of pregnancy. I took maternity pictures, I wore shirts that made my baby bump look good, I took as many 4D ultrasounds as I could. I smiled at the stares I got, & I would get excited every time he would move inside me.

When he was born, I knew. I knew why people decided to have babies. Why people made a decision to create a life. Something that you & the person you love have came together in the 10 month process. Why people decided to deal with the fussing, crying, poooping, peeing baby. & this is why...

Braeden is all ours. We made him. He is equally Matt, as he is equally Natalie. He has traits from his father, as well as traits from his mother. Genes from his dad's side, and strong genes from his moms side. I didn't mind changing ANY of his diapers, feeding him, waking up 3 times in the middle of the night. He was only a newborn... but he loved, and he still loves. More and more each day, I find myself loving him more, and seeing him love us more. When Braeden was born, the inner child in me was born as well. I couldn't wait to take him to Disneyland, & as many times as he's already gone, I can't wait to see things through his eyes when he can understand what's going on. I can't wait for him to love Notre Dame as much as I did growing up, having him watch Rudy feeling as inspired as I did. When you have a baby, the inner kid in you re-emerges. You see things through their eyes, through their soul. You love, & you love hard, and the best thing is, is that you get the unconditional love back, & it feels amazing.

I embraced everything about pregnancy, & I am embracing everything about motherhood, & yes, I am loving- more than I ever have.

I miss blogging.

It's been a while. So many thoughts in my head I've wanted to let out in the form of typing on these laptop keys of mine. I couldn't for the life of me remember the e-mail/ password I had set up for this site, & there was no way I was going to start a new one. Oh & of course.. the usual of being incredibly busy.

Lately life has been passing me by. I really hate saying and admitting that.. but between work, & running errands, days seem to fly by. I used to take pictures of Braeden every day, & now I feel like it happens once every couple of weeks... which is so unlike me. So I've gotten back into my routine of snapping more pictures, and enjoying the little moments, and of course working a lot, but it always pays off when we get payed.

Braeden has officially begun teething, which I've known for a while, but he now has TWO TEETH! His bottom two teeth are popping out, and I must say that they look adorable. When I first saw them I was a little nostalgic. My baby, who still seems like a newborn in my eyes has teeth. I know it's part of the process of them growing up, but it did make me a bit sad at first. Now I can't wait to start giving him solids. I've been wanting to give them to him for a while but Matt is really big on doing exactly what the pediatrician said, so we've been holding off.

But anyway, SO MUCH has been going on, to sum it all up school starts next Monday, we are really close to going into escrow for out condo, & in a couple of months I'm going to start planning Braeden's first birthday party. SO SOON!!

But as of now, I'm glad I retrieved my password. & can get back into the groove of things!

It's been a while..

I feel like I start every blog post with that sentence. It only makes sense, it HAS been a while. Realistically, I can't get to blogging as often as I'd like but as long as I get around to it once in a while, it's all good in the neighborhood. I've been contemplating on whether or not I wanted to keep this blog.. I mean, who really wants to know what goes on in my day to day life? I debated on whether I should just use it as a source to let my thoughts run wild, but then I remember the whole reason for creating a blog. So that Braeden can one day come to the-mommy-life.blogspot.com one random day, and see what life was like when he was a baby. Something I would love to know. I figure I will use this as a means to vent, as a memory keeper, or simply just to express how I feel. To have my mind run, with all of its creativity- or lack there of. I will post pictures I love of my son, hoping no creepo is using them anywhere else on the internet, because yes, I really am that paranoid. I'm not sure if I want to continue posting pictures of Braeden, I've also been thinking about that a lot. I've come across tumblrs, who have been complaining that people have been stealing their pictures, to use them as fake accounts, and to me, that is just plain weird.

Maybe this blog will be strictly words. I love photography, and I love challenging my mind to search for different angles, colors, settings, etc. to capture perfect moments. I love the idea of translating a normal picture, into an angle that I wouldn't have normally thought of.  When I go through the stats of my blog, I see that the pictures are on google search, or how randomly people end up on my blog.. and I always wonder, how do they find my blog, from that random ass site? It's flattering to see how many people view my blog & posts because I didn't think anyone would actually care what the hell went on in my life, and it's so cool to see that people from Russia, or the Philippines, or even Germany are reading my blog.

So I will continue to write. For the purpose of having somewhere to vent, or express my feelings. I will cool off on the pictures of my son, because I'm still not quite sure how I feel about having him all over the internet. In the mean time, I will write. It's nice working another part of my brain. I will try to update more often, just for my sake. But in the mean time, I'm still taking time to stop, & smell the roses.

& they smell pretty darn amazing. (:

It's been a while since I've blogged. I was getting over being sick, & I wasn't feeling any sorts of creaticity & the rest of the days I was just too busy enjoying life. I'm going to start working 5 days a week, so I figure I'll enjoy my days off while I have them, & the days that I do work, I just like to come home to Braeden & Matt & enjoy our days. It's easy to get lost in the days of the week when they go so fast. I've made a huge effort to not let that be an excuse anymore. Matt & I have started running, I bought some new Nike Free run's, which are the most comfortable shoes that have ever graced my feet. They are the only shoes that have actually made me want to go jogging. I even convinced Matt to buy some! So that is a work in progress. Now that we're working out together it feels like we are even more bonded. He pushes & motivates me, and it's nice to get some fresh air once a day on a nice run with the one you love, so I have no complaints there. My best friend & I went to go get our nails done, which as usual felt amazing, and we did some shopping, & of course I only bought myself a top at Nordstroms & spent the rest of the day looking for clothes for Braeden.. that's just what happens when you become a mother! The nice thing is Nicole is there to remind me that I need to think about myself once in a while too. So she gives me a good balance, which is refreshing. Matt cooked dinner for me the other day. A spontanious BBQ we had, my Dad even got in on the action too!

The weather was beautiful, it's really starting to warm up, so I'm glad that we're taking advantage of that. They kick backed, sipped on some cheap beer, while I enjoyed the weather and reading my book.

oh, & I cooked the onions & corn! Hahahahah but other than that I was sitting on the couch listening to my chub a gub snore while I highlighted away at my book. Relaxation at its finest.

Enjoy the weather, & enjoy your families, because this is the best feeling there is.

Sick as a dog.

I rarely get sick, so when I do happen to get sick it hits me hard. I have the worse cold I have had in a while, normally I wouldn't mind because all I had to worry about was myself. But this is my first time being sick as a mom. Right when I think I've gotten into the groove of things, parenthood always seems to throw one at me that I would have never seen coming. I started getting sick yesterday, but we had already made plans to go to my brothers house an hour away to see him and my nephew. Looking back I shoulda just stayed home. I just kept on getting sicker throughout the day, and now I have a really bad cold. I'm just glad that I had the opportunity to rest all day today. It's times like these that I appreciate still living at home. The cold I have, I would not want to be seeing my three month old son having, so my mom has been taking care of him today. Matt took care of me last night, even though I had told him I wanted to be the one waking up if Braeden woke up in the middle of the night because lately he's been the one waking up. He gave me meds, the night time one, which I usually refuse but I'm glad he gave them to me or else I wouldn't have slept. But it's hard seeing Braeden and not being able to get to close because I know colds are extremely contagious. Oh, & I have work tomorrow at 7 in the morning. I just hope I feel a little better. I'm sure I will because Matt takes care of me so well, so I'm catching up on sleep too. I feel so lucky to have him in my life. Sometimes it amazes me how much our relationship has grown.. we started off two teenagers not knowing what we wanted from each other, & now he has turned into such an amazing boyfriend and dad. Sometimes I need to realize that not all men would be doing what he does. In fact, a majority of men don't do half of what he does for Braeden & I. Is he perfect? No. Am I perfect? Definitely not. Is our relationship perfect? No. But I'm happy with what we are. Sure, we both have our pasts. Not the greatest, but we've both overcome our insecurities, and trust issues. I just need to remind myself how lucky I am, and Braeden is to have him in our lives. & I know Braeden loves him, just by the way he smiles with his heart every time his Dad talks to him, or walks in the room. He loves his dadday!

I love, the love they have for each other.

I love that summer days call for shirtless afternoons with my chubagub.

My brothers house has HORRIBLE lighting. :(

My mom is doing a wonderful job, but Braeden knows it's not his momma. There is just something about the way a momma can put hee son to sleep. The way I cradle him, as he stares at him till he falls asleep to the lullaby of you are my sunshine....

I don't have many pictures for this post.. it's more of a moment where I look at my life & I want to capture it before I forget how crazy and wonderful things have been lately. Being a mom is hard. Being a young mom is harder. There are times when I hear a song from three years ago & a flood of memories come back.  There are times when I get frustrated. The moments are few and far apart, but they come none the less. I'm not complaining, I just need to remind myself that it's okay. It's okay to reminisce on the old times, and to think about the memories before I was pregnant. I'm saying this because I feel like people think this whole mother thing is an easy thing to do. Sleepless nights aren't as hard as hearing your baby scream of pain & not being able to do anything. Giving up going out isn't nearly as heart breaking as it is leaving your baby to go to work. What I'm getting at is- Once you have a baby, you're committed. Not just physically, but emotionally. You make a commitment not to your self, but this little life you have created. That grew inside you for almost 10 months (yes, a pregnancy is longer than 9 months. 40 weeks is closer to 10 months). The commitment is wholesome & better than anything you will ever commit to in your whole entire life. It is such a gratifying, empowering experience to be a mom. & while sometimes it is hard, & sometimes I get frustrated, it comes with the job. The frustration gets replaced with overwhelming joy, because you have your whole world laying next to you smiling just because you're there. I have learned to cherish every sleepy smile, every happy giggle, because now I see things from a different perspective. The sun shines brighter & the tree's look greener. Things I never thought about twice, I find myself pondering about for days at a time. What once was living through life fearlessly has now turned into living life cautiously. I'm not my own priority anymore, Braeden is, and it is the most amazing feeling one can ever feel. You won't know until you are in this same exact place. I always heard all the typical cliches that come with parenthood, but now they hit home. I know to cherish every moment, because there are times I feel so overwhelmed with the love that has grown for my family. There are moments I want to stop time & remember the feeling forever. No matter how I try to piece these words together, they won't come close to being able to express how I feel. Yes, I have given up living recklessly,  but I have gained so much more. And you know what the most beautiful part about this whole parenting thing is? I will always be gaining, I will always cherish these moments, & the sun will always shine brighter.

My magical day

Yesterday, I celebrated turning the ripe 'ole age of 20! I didn't expect much, just lunch with the family & dinner with Matt. Little did I know it was going to be the best birthday I've had in a while. Usually I'm excited for my birthday about a month before it, but this year I've had so much to focus on, I didn't realize how close my birthday was until it was only a couple of days away. My best friend & I went to go get our nails done (which is a ritual we do every two weeks.) We make sure to always go every two weeks to keep my sanity. It's probably the only time- besides work- I'm away from Braeden. We use that time to catch up and just pamper ourselves. We talk about what's been going on- not that we haven't seen each other in two weeks, because I usually see her every couple of days. Well anyway, she treated me this week for my birthday & then we went to go get our eyebrows threaded. I forgot how painful it was. We roamed around Nordstroms & I totally regretted leaving my wallet at home in Braeden's diaper bag. I figure since Braeden's diaper bag looks like a regular purse I just toss my essentials in there when we all go out, problem is when I bring my regular purse I completely forget it's on the diaper bag. Maybe I should just stick to one purse for me & one diaper bag for Braeden.

Anyway, birthday's are kinda of a big deal with my family. We make sure to have lunch & my mom every year since I can remember plays the hispanic version of "Happy Birthday" while walking up the stairs to my room. Matt told me he had everything planned out for the day so all I had to do was enjoy! He gave me my gift which were my Burberry glasses I had been eyeing for a couple months! So exciting!

After having lunch with my family at BJ's, my best friend came over so they could all take me to the "surprise place" which I had thought was a restaurant.... but in reality waaaassss......

They were pretty good at keeping it a surprise. Growing up Disneyland was a treat. I don't know why, but I didn't go to Disneyland very often. I had annual passes, but I never went more than twice a year. Which is why I'm changing that this year. Matt also god me the Premium season pass so we will definitely be coming a lot more!! Not gonna lie.. It's hard going to Disneyland with a baby.. Braeden went on the Peter Pan ride & the new Little Mermaid ride but was asleep on both. He may be staying at home the next couple of times we go, as much as he loved looking at the balloons & all the colors around him, I think he just needs to be a liiiitttllleee bit older next time he goes. I was wearing heals earlier, but Nicole convinced me to wear flip flops, which I'm so glad she did! Life. Saver.

I thought my family did Birthday's big... Disneyland does birthday's big. Pretty much every cast member says Happy Birthday, & strangers walking by scream "Happy Birthday Natalie!" Always confused me cause I always thought I was running into someone I knew. But if you ever want to feel special on your birthday... Disneyland is the place!

Daddy in action!

Oh. & Braeden's diaper leaked.. & of course the one day I don't bring an extra outfit for him, I don't have extra clothes for him. So since he was all wet, the put the jacket on him & that's all he had on. A jacket & a diaper & a pair of socks. I'm just glad we brought three blankets and kept him super warm!

No matter how old you are, or how many times you've been to Disneyland, it will always be magical.

But at the end of the day, this will be more magical than any thing or place in the world.

Stop & smell the roses.

It's been a while since I've had time to blog. I know I say this all the time, but we've been SUPER busy. Today we put in an offer for the condo we want. We LOVE this place, & it would be perfect for us for the next ten years. This is all so scary. While having a baby and being (almost) 20, I do feel much older than I am. But buying a house makes me feel like an ADULT. Paying bills, working for our mortgage-- we are stepping into the world of becoming an adult. Okay, I do realize we made that step when we had Braeden, it took a while to sink in, & now it's all hitting me at once! But nonetheless, this is what we want. We want to be on our own, our own family. I can't wait to decorate the inside- I'm even considering taking an interior design class- with all the time I have right? I already envision what I want it to look like, & the memories we will make there, so it's all very exciting as well. Here's to starting off our family, in our own place, at the right time!

In the mean time we've been staying busy. Not that we have a choice, but between working and Matt's family igoing to France, we wanted to make sure they got to spend as much time with Braeden as possible since they won't be seeing him for two weeks. Matt's cousin graduated from middle school so we went to the graduation & brought Braeden right along with us. He slept through the whole thing, but it just dawned on me that the school we were at, was where Braeden was going to go to middle school. In exactly 14 years, we would be there attending BRAEDEN'S graduation. The concept of him being 14 freaks me out, because he's already three months old today. Exactly three months ago, at this exact time I was slipping on the hospital gown laying into the hospital bed. The fact that time goes by so quickly just makes me realize how I really have to appreciate, take in, and enjoy every moment. Which is partially why I don't blog as much. Part of me being busy is enjoying my little guy!

I remember when I was a junior in high school, Mr. Miller who was a history teacher, who would bore my friend Christine & I to death actually taught me a life lesson. Without me realizing it. Four years later I completely understand that lecture during fifth period when he took 47 minutes to explain how "During life, no matter how crazy it is sometimes you just need to stop and smell the roses." It always stuck with me, & I liked what it meant. But now I appreciate the meaning of it. I appreciate taking time to just stop, settle my mind, and-- smell the roses. 

Still can't believe he is already three months!

I'm trying to get Braeden used to being outdoors. We are inside A LOT, & I don't want him to be one of those kids who stay inside all the time playing video games all day. I want him to know how fun it is to play with chalk, to blow bubbles, to run around at hte park, rolling down hills of grass.

When he wears his clothes from France, he looks like such a frenchie. Matt's family is in France right now so he'll be getting lots & lots of frenchie outfits. (:

Since I was pregnant we would always wonder what color Braeden's eyes would be. My whole family has brown eyes, but Matt's moms side has dark blue/ green eyes, while his dads side has the light blue eyes. He was born with grey/ dark blue eyes, but they are slowly turning into Matt's hazel eyes.

Braeden now has a jumperoo! He won't stay in it too long, without getting over stimulated, & he can't even reach the ground yet but he loves sitting in it, looking at all the bright colors. He's a color kinda boy. If he sees any slight contrast in colors, he will be attracted to it. I hope he retains this interest, maybe when he's even older he will use it artistically? I always wonder what his hobbies are going to be.. I already know I want to put him in little league baseball, boxing, & any other sport to keep him busy. That's one thing I've heard a lot through parents, is to keep your kids busy. It benefits them when they're younger because it wares them out, and it keeps them out of trouble when they're older. I just hope he takes to one sport or hobby and sticks to it so he can be passionate about whatever it may be.

A new hobby I've seemed to pick up? Cleaning. Since Braeden has allergies, I keep everything spotless. It takes a while but I do see an improvement on his stuffy nose. It's tiring, and it takes a whole day but I just look at it as getting me ready for our new home!

I have a happy baby, who even though he's only 3 months old also gets the concept of smelling the roses.

I relive this day, everyday.

The day you were born. The night you were placed on my chest for the very first time. The day you made me a momma. I go back to that day, so many emotions in one day. You came on the perfect day, & I think your great grandpa had a lot to do with that. You brought me happiness, that stomped over any sadness I had been feeling the week before. You were so good to my body while you were living in there. You were HUGE. Feeling you rumble around in there was something I don't even know how to explain. Every kick, every toss & turn was a reminder that I had something that was a part of me. Forever. Someone to love unconditionally, who would love me unconditionally. I knew you were stubborn after you wouldn't stop kicking until I would move positions at night, needless to say-- you still have that stubborn mentality. Every time I see someone pregnant I smile to myself & they probably think I'm crazy- partly because I am. I miss having you with me everywhere we go. But I am so glad you are here with me now, & the way that you smile at me & even though there's not much you can do I know you love me. I can see it in the way you look at me. I can feel it in the way you lean into me. You know you're my world.
So I go back to that day. It was perfect. My pregnancy was great, & my labor was great. My water broke at 11, I checked into the hospital by 12, & you were pushed out before 8 p.m.

We all waited. Anxiously. This was the day! The day we got to hold the tiny human being we've been waiting for, for nine months. They put me in pitocin when I told them I wasn't feeling my contractions even though I came in 4 cm dilated already. & let me tell you, those contractions sure picked up! They weren't as bad as I had imagined, nothing deep breathing couldn't get me through. I decided to get the epidural, because there was no way I was going to feel the episiotomy. (Hopefully you don't know what that is when you're 17 & reading this.)

Your dad was amazing. He was there for your momma the whole time. I knew he would, but experiencing it gave me the final confirmation that he would be an amazing daddy, as he still is. He loved you as soon as we knew you were ours to keep & hasn't stopped since.

I had an amazing support team. Your Abuela was pale the whole time-- she doesn't do too well with blood but sucked it up, all to see you come into this world. YOUR Mimi was amazing support, & kept me hydrated the WHOLE time, & My Mimi the Original Mimi, your great grandma was my rock. She knew how hard the past couple of weeks were with Hank's passing, & she knew how badly I wanted him to be able to meet you.. she knew I needed her. & she delivered. Just in case I haven't told you, which I probably already have... Your great grandma was CLUTCH. Always coming through with things. & your Dad was so excited to finally get to meet you... he was like a little kid on Christmas.

& this is when my life changed. Completely. Your Dad freaked me out.. as soon as you came out his jaw dropped.. & I didn't hear you cry. & for a split second I thought something was wrong. But when I saw your dad smiling ear to ear, & I heard your small complaining whines, I knew. You were everything I ever wanted. You looked at me, with your swollen face, your wide japanese button nose, & your baggy eyes & in that split second you gave me the most love I have ever received from ANYONE in my lifetime. 

Your proud Daddy. 

& this is Auntie Nicole when you were first born. It took her a lot to come see you, & you should know why by the time you read this. But, she loves you a lot. & I wouldn't have been able to do it without her. She came over every day for two weeks after you were born & helped me SO MUCH. Wether it was helping me with laundry, or taking stuff upstairs, or showing you all the love in the world. You're very special to her, & I hope when you're old enough to express yourself you can show her how much she means to you. Friends like this don't come often, & it's rare to keep a good friend when having a baby & if it weren't for the effort she herself puts into this friendship, we probably wouldn't be so close. I'm so lucky she understands how hard it is to balance motherhood & keeping relationships active. I can't wait for her to have babies-- we've already planned to have our next ones at the same time. That's true friendship!

Since I've started this post (4 days ago), I've gone to the hospital where you were born to go visit Matt's family friend who just had a baby. It brought back a lot of emotions and memories, but it also reminded me how painful recovery was. From pregnancy through labor, it was a breeze. But recovery really hit me. I'm so happy with where we're at & where we're going, I can't wait to see what path our lives take.