I relive this day, everyday.

The day you were born. The night you were placed on my chest for the very first time. The day you made me a momma. I go back to that day, so many emotions in one day. You came on the perfect day, & I think your great grandpa had a lot to do with that. You brought me happiness, that stomped over any sadness I had been feeling the week before. You were so good to my body while you were living in there. You were HUGE. Feeling you rumble around in there was something I don't even know how to explain. Every kick, every toss & turn was a reminder that I had something that was a part of me. Forever. Someone to love unconditionally, who would love me unconditionally. I knew you were stubborn after you wouldn't stop kicking until I would move positions at night, needless to say-- you still have that stubborn mentality. Every time I see someone pregnant I smile to myself & they probably think I'm crazy- partly because I am. I miss having you with me everywhere we go. But I am so glad you are here with me now, & the way that you smile at me & even though there's not much you can do I know you love me. I can see it in the way you look at me. I can feel it in the way you lean into me. You know you're my world.
So I go back to that day. It was perfect. My pregnancy was great, & my labor was great. My water broke at 11, I checked into the hospital by 12, & you were pushed out before 8 p.m.

We all waited. Anxiously. This was the day! The day we got to hold the tiny human being we've been waiting for, for nine months. They put me in pitocin when I told them I wasn't feeling my contractions even though I came in 4 cm dilated already. & let me tell you, those contractions sure picked up! They weren't as bad as I had imagined, nothing deep breathing couldn't get me through. I decided to get the epidural, because there was no way I was going to feel the episiotomy. (Hopefully you don't know what that is when you're 17 & reading this.)

Your dad was amazing. He was there for your momma the whole time. I knew he would, but experiencing it gave me the final confirmation that he would be an amazing daddy, as he still is. He loved you as soon as we knew you were ours to keep & hasn't stopped since.

I had an amazing support team. Your Abuela was pale the whole time-- she doesn't do too well with blood but sucked it up, all to see you come into this world. YOUR Mimi was amazing support, & kept me hydrated the WHOLE time, & My Mimi the Original Mimi, your great grandma was my rock. She knew how hard the past couple of weeks were with Hank's passing, & she knew how badly I wanted him to be able to meet you.. she knew I needed her. & she delivered. Just in case I haven't told you, which I probably already have... Your great grandma was CLUTCH. Always coming through with things. & your Dad was so excited to finally get to meet you... he was like a little kid on Christmas.

& this is when my life changed. Completely. Your Dad freaked me out.. as soon as you came out his jaw dropped.. & I didn't hear you cry. & for a split second I thought something was wrong. But when I saw your dad smiling ear to ear, & I heard your small complaining whines, I knew. You were everything I ever wanted. You looked at me, with your swollen face, your wide japanese button nose, & your baggy eyes & in that split second you gave me the most love I have ever received from ANYONE in my lifetime. 

Your proud Daddy. 

& this is Auntie Nicole when you were first born. It took her a lot to come see you, & you should know why by the time you read this. But, she loves you a lot. & I wouldn't have been able to do it without her. She came over every day for two weeks after you were born & helped me SO MUCH. Wether it was helping me with laundry, or taking stuff upstairs, or showing you all the love in the world. You're very special to her, & I hope when you're old enough to express yourself you can show her how much she means to you. Friends like this don't come often, & it's rare to keep a good friend when having a baby & if it weren't for the effort she herself puts into this friendship, we probably wouldn't be so close. I'm so lucky she understands how hard it is to balance motherhood & keeping relationships active. I can't wait for her to have babies-- we've already planned to have our next ones at the same time. That's true friendship!

Since I've started this post (4 days ago), I've gone to the hospital where you were born to go visit Matt's family friend who just had a baby. It brought back a lot of emotions and memories, but it also reminded me how painful recovery was. From pregnancy through labor, it was a breeze. But recovery really hit me. I'm so happy with where we're at & where we're going, I can't wait to see what path our lives take.