I love love.

& everything it has to offer. I am lovin'. & totally lovin' hard. I love my family, my healthy happy son, my amazing supportive boyfriend, my clutch mom, my loving dad, & my down to earth brother. I love my caring, silly, person I can count on best friend Nicole. I love where I'm at and where I'm going.  I'm not saying I live a perfect life, because it's far from it, but I have so many things to be grateful for. Day to day, I'll complain about little things. "My feet hurt!" "I'm so sick of rude customers!" But those complaints are so petty compared to what I DO have.


I remember about two years ago, riding in the car with Matt & his uncle, thinking out loud, wondering "What was the point of having kids? They cry all the time, they poop, parents always complain... so why the hell do people decide to have them?!" He gave me some answer pretty much telling me that people have children to pass on all the things they have learned, and to keep their family going. Well, needless to say-- I still didn't get it. I wanted kids- someday, at this point in my life. But I couldn't help but wonder why someone would decide to make a baby, go through morning sickness, back ache of pregnancy, the pain of labor, having to squeeze pretty much a watermelon from a place that an object of that size, AND weight should not be coming out of. Then after all of that, have to deal with a crying, fussy, pooping, peeing, drooly baby. It baffled me. How people could DECIDE to do this.

Until August of 2010 when I found out I was pregnant. I can't sit here & say I understood the beauty of having a baby instantly. Because it didn't. It took a while to hit me, It took a while for me to understand there was something forming in my body. I did all my homework, I checked weekly, I watched my baby turn from a blueberry, to an orange, to the size of a banana, to a watermelon, to an actual baby. But anyway, I knew I wouldn't be able to go with adoption, and after a lot of consideration I knew abortion wasn't right for me either. It pained me to think of ending something that fought so hard to be where it was. Because trust me- we were being careful, AND responsible. I looked at it as "it was meant to be." & now that it's August 2011, Matt & I still say "it was meant to be...."

I remember seeing his heartbeat for the first time, & I loved from that instant. In my heart shaped uterus his tiny body the size of a kidney bean had a strong heartbeat. That was life. Inside my stomach, and that's when I decided that I'm going to embrace this. Being pregnant at 19 didn't mean I wasn't responsible, or I was a bad person. Things happened, & I was blessed with this heart beating inside me. I had no shame, no disappointment- I knew I could do it, no doubt. So embrace it I did. It still baffled me how it all came to be. Time goes on, and I did everything I possibly could to take care of my blueberry inside me. I ate the foods I was supposed to eat. I took my pre-natals & omega vitamins EVERY day. I made sure I didn't eat fish, didn't drink coffee or soda, I didn't do any heavy lifting at work. The farther along I got, the more excited I would be. I embraced the sh!t out of pregnancy. I took maternity pictures, I wore shirts that made my baby bump look good, I took as many 4D ultrasounds as I could. I smiled at the stares I got, & I would get excited every time he would move inside me.

When he was born, I knew. I knew why people decided to have babies. Why people made a decision to create a life. Something that you & the person you love have came together in the 10 month process. Why people decided to deal with the fussing, crying, poooping, peeing baby. & this is why...

Braeden is all ours. We made him. He is equally Matt, as he is equally Natalie. He has traits from his father, as well as traits from his mother. Genes from his dad's side, and strong genes from his moms side. I didn't mind changing ANY of his diapers, feeding him, waking up 3 times in the middle of the night. He was only a newborn... but he loved, and he still loves. More and more each day, I find myself loving him more, and seeing him love us more. When Braeden was born, the inner child in me was born as well. I couldn't wait to take him to Disneyland, & as many times as he's already gone, I can't wait to see things through his eyes when he can understand what's going on. I can't wait for him to love Notre Dame as much as I did growing up, having him watch Rudy feeling as inspired as I did. When you have a baby, the inner kid in you re-emerges. You see things through their eyes, through their soul. You love, & you love hard, and the best thing is, is that you get the unconditional love back, & it feels amazing.

I embraced everything about pregnancy, & I am embracing everything about motherhood, & yes, I am loving- more than I ever have.

I miss blogging.

It's been a while. So many thoughts in my head I've wanted to let out in the form of typing on these laptop keys of mine. I couldn't for the life of me remember the e-mail/ password I had set up for this site, & there was no way I was going to start a new one. Oh & of course.. the usual of being incredibly busy.

Lately life has been passing me by. I really hate saying and admitting that.. but between work, & running errands, days seem to fly by. I used to take pictures of Braeden every day, & now I feel like it happens once every couple of weeks... which is so unlike me. So I've gotten back into my routine of snapping more pictures, and enjoying the little moments, and of course working a lot, but it always pays off when we get payed.

Braeden has officially begun teething, which I've known for a while, but he now has TWO TEETH! His bottom two teeth are popping out, and I must say that they look adorable. When I first saw them I was a little nostalgic. My baby, who still seems like a newborn in my eyes has teeth. I know it's part of the process of them growing up, but it did make me a bit sad at first. Now I can't wait to start giving him solids. I've been wanting to give them to him for a while but Matt is really big on doing exactly what the pediatrician said, so we've been holding off.

But anyway, SO MUCH has been going on, to sum it all up school starts next Monday, we are really close to going into escrow for out condo, & in a couple of months I'm going to start planning Braeden's first birthday party. SO SOON!!

But as of now, I'm glad I retrieved my password. & can get back into the groove of things!