Bringing this back.

For my sweet Braeden. So when he wants to see what his life was like when he was a youngin... it's only a website away.
Crazy how times have changed, and we have the opportunity to do this! I lost my camera usb chord, so I have to go buy a new one... & when I do, I will be back! (:

I love love.

& everything it has to offer. I am lovin'. & totally lovin' hard. I love my family, my healthy happy son, my amazing supportive boyfriend, my clutch mom, my loving dad, & my down to earth brother. I love my caring, silly, person I can count on best friend Nicole. I love where I'm at and where I'm going.  I'm not saying I live a perfect life, because it's far from it, but I have so many things to be grateful for. Day to day, I'll complain about little things. "My feet hurt!" "I'm so sick of rude customers!" But those complaints are so petty compared to what I DO have.


I remember about two years ago, riding in the car with Matt & his uncle, thinking out loud, wondering "What was the point of having kids? They cry all the time, they poop, parents always complain... so why the hell do people decide to have them?!" He gave me some answer pretty much telling me that people have children to pass on all the things they have learned, and to keep their family going. Well, needless to say-- I still didn't get it. I wanted kids- someday, at this point in my life. But I couldn't help but wonder why someone would decide to make a baby, go through morning sickness, back ache of pregnancy, the pain of labor, having to squeeze pretty much a watermelon from a place that an object of that size, AND weight should not be coming out of. Then after all of that, have to deal with a crying, fussy, pooping, peeing, drooly baby. It baffled me. How people could DECIDE to do this.

Until August of 2010 when I found out I was pregnant. I can't sit here & say I understood the beauty of having a baby instantly. Because it didn't. It took a while to hit me, It took a while for me to understand there was something forming in my body. I did all my homework, I checked weekly, I watched my baby turn from a blueberry, to an orange, to the size of a banana, to a watermelon, to an actual baby. But anyway, I knew I wouldn't be able to go with adoption, and after a lot of consideration I knew abortion wasn't right for me either. It pained me to think of ending something that fought so hard to be where it was. Because trust me- we were being careful, AND responsible. I looked at it as "it was meant to be." & now that it's August 2011, Matt & I still say "it was meant to be...."

I remember seeing his heartbeat for the first time, & I loved from that instant. In my heart shaped uterus his tiny body the size of a kidney bean had a strong heartbeat. That was life. Inside my stomach, and that's when I decided that I'm going to embrace this. Being pregnant at 19 didn't mean I wasn't responsible, or I was a bad person. Things happened, & I was blessed with this heart beating inside me. I had no shame, no disappointment- I knew I could do it, no doubt. So embrace it I did. It still baffled me how it all came to be. Time goes on, and I did everything I possibly could to take care of my blueberry inside me. I ate the foods I was supposed to eat. I took my pre-natals & omega vitamins EVERY day. I made sure I didn't eat fish, didn't drink coffee or soda, I didn't do any heavy lifting at work. The farther along I got, the more excited I would be. I embraced the sh!t out of pregnancy. I took maternity pictures, I wore shirts that made my baby bump look good, I took as many 4D ultrasounds as I could. I smiled at the stares I got, & I would get excited every time he would move inside me.

When he was born, I knew. I knew why people decided to have babies. Why people made a decision to create a life. Something that you & the person you love have came together in the 10 month process. Why people decided to deal with the fussing, crying, poooping, peeing baby. & this is why...

Braeden is all ours. We made him. He is equally Matt, as he is equally Natalie. He has traits from his father, as well as traits from his mother. Genes from his dad's side, and strong genes from his moms side. I didn't mind changing ANY of his diapers, feeding him, waking up 3 times in the middle of the night. He was only a newborn... but he loved, and he still loves. More and more each day, I find myself loving him more, and seeing him love us more. When Braeden was born, the inner child in me was born as well. I couldn't wait to take him to Disneyland, & as many times as he's already gone, I can't wait to see things through his eyes when he can understand what's going on. I can't wait for him to love Notre Dame as much as I did growing up, having him watch Rudy feeling as inspired as I did. When you have a baby, the inner kid in you re-emerges. You see things through their eyes, through their soul. You love, & you love hard, and the best thing is, is that you get the unconditional love back, & it feels amazing.

I embraced everything about pregnancy, & I am embracing everything about motherhood, & yes, I am loving- more than I ever have.

I miss blogging.

It's been a while. So many thoughts in my head I've wanted to let out in the form of typing on these laptop keys of mine. I couldn't for the life of me remember the e-mail/ password I had set up for this site, & there was no way I was going to start a new one. Oh & of course.. the usual of being incredibly busy.

Lately life has been passing me by. I really hate saying and admitting that.. but between work, & running errands, days seem to fly by. I used to take pictures of Braeden every day, & now I feel like it happens once every couple of weeks... which is so unlike me. So I've gotten back into my routine of snapping more pictures, and enjoying the little moments, and of course working a lot, but it always pays off when we get payed.

Braeden has officially begun teething, which I've known for a while, but he now has TWO TEETH! His bottom two teeth are popping out, and I must say that they look adorable. When I first saw them I was a little nostalgic. My baby, who still seems like a newborn in my eyes has teeth. I know it's part of the process of them growing up, but it did make me a bit sad at first. Now I can't wait to start giving him solids. I've been wanting to give them to him for a while but Matt is really big on doing exactly what the pediatrician said, so we've been holding off.

But anyway, SO MUCH has been going on, to sum it all up school starts next Monday, we are really close to going into escrow for out condo, & in a couple of months I'm going to start planning Braeden's first birthday party. SO SOON!!

But as of now, I'm glad I retrieved my password. & can get back into the groove of things!

It's been a while..

I feel like I start every blog post with that sentence. It only makes sense, it HAS been a while. Realistically, I can't get to blogging as often as I'd like but as long as I get around to it once in a while, it's all good in the neighborhood. I've been contemplating on whether or not I wanted to keep this blog.. I mean, who really wants to know what goes on in my day to day life? I debated on whether I should just use it as a source to let my thoughts run wild, but then I remember the whole reason for creating a blog. So that Braeden can one day come to the-mommy-life.blogspot.com one random day, and see what life was like when he was a baby. Something I would love to know. I figure I will use this as a means to vent, as a memory keeper, or simply just to express how I feel. To have my mind run, with all of its creativity- or lack there of. I will post pictures I love of my son, hoping no creepo is using them anywhere else on the internet, because yes, I really am that paranoid. I'm not sure if I want to continue posting pictures of Braeden, I've also been thinking about that a lot. I've come across tumblrs, who have been complaining that people have been stealing their pictures, to use them as fake accounts, and to me, that is just plain weird.

Maybe this blog will be strictly words. I love photography, and I love challenging my mind to search for different angles, colors, settings, etc. to capture perfect moments. I love the idea of translating a normal picture, into an angle that I wouldn't have normally thought of.  When I go through the stats of my blog, I see that the pictures are on google search, or how randomly people end up on my blog.. and I always wonder, how do they find my blog, from that random ass site? It's flattering to see how many people view my blog & posts because I didn't think anyone would actually care what the hell went on in my life, and it's so cool to see that people from Russia, or the Philippines, or even Germany are reading my blog.

So I will continue to write. For the purpose of having somewhere to vent, or express my feelings. I will cool off on the pictures of my son, because I'm still not quite sure how I feel about having him all over the internet. In the mean time, I will write. It's nice working another part of my brain. I will try to update more often, just for my sake. But in the mean time, I'm still taking time to stop, & smell the roses.

& they smell pretty darn amazing. (:

It's been a while since I've blogged. I was getting over being sick, & I wasn't feeling any sorts of creaticity & the rest of the days I was just too busy enjoying life. I'm going to start working 5 days a week, so I figure I'll enjoy my days off while I have them, & the days that I do work, I just like to come home to Braeden & Matt & enjoy our days. It's easy to get lost in the days of the week when they go so fast. I've made a huge effort to not let that be an excuse anymore. Matt & I have started running, I bought some new Nike Free run's, which are the most comfortable shoes that have ever graced my feet. They are the only shoes that have actually made me want to go jogging. I even convinced Matt to buy some! So that is a work in progress. Now that we're working out together it feels like we are even more bonded. He pushes & motivates me, and it's nice to get some fresh air once a day on a nice run with the one you love, so I have no complaints there. My best friend & I went to go get our nails done, which as usual felt amazing, and we did some shopping, & of course I only bought myself a top at Nordstroms & spent the rest of the day looking for clothes for Braeden.. that's just what happens when you become a mother! The nice thing is Nicole is there to remind me that I need to think about myself once in a while too. So she gives me a good balance, which is refreshing. Matt cooked dinner for me the other day. A spontanious BBQ we had, my Dad even got in on the action too!

The weather was beautiful, it's really starting to warm up, so I'm glad that we're taking advantage of that. They kick backed, sipped on some cheap beer, while I enjoyed the weather and reading my book.

oh, & I cooked the onions & corn! Hahahahah but other than that I was sitting on the couch listening to my chub a gub snore while I highlighted away at my book. Relaxation at its finest.

Enjoy the weather, & enjoy your families, because this is the best feeling there is.

Sick as a dog.

I rarely get sick, so when I do happen to get sick it hits me hard. I have the worse cold I have had in a while, normally I wouldn't mind because all I had to worry about was myself. But this is my first time being sick as a mom. Right when I think I've gotten into the groove of things, parenthood always seems to throw one at me that I would have never seen coming. I started getting sick yesterday, but we had already made plans to go to my brothers house an hour away to see him and my nephew. Looking back I shoulda just stayed home. I just kept on getting sicker throughout the day, and now I have a really bad cold. I'm just glad that I had the opportunity to rest all day today. It's times like these that I appreciate still living at home. The cold I have, I would not want to be seeing my three month old son having, so my mom has been taking care of him today. Matt took care of me last night, even though I had told him I wanted to be the one waking up if Braeden woke up in the middle of the night because lately he's been the one waking up. He gave me meds, the night time one, which I usually refuse but I'm glad he gave them to me or else I wouldn't have slept. But it's hard seeing Braeden and not being able to get to close because I know colds are extremely contagious. Oh, & I have work tomorrow at 7 in the morning. I just hope I feel a little better. I'm sure I will because Matt takes care of me so well, so I'm catching up on sleep too. I feel so lucky to have him in my life. Sometimes it amazes me how much our relationship has grown.. we started off two teenagers not knowing what we wanted from each other, & now he has turned into such an amazing boyfriend and dad. Sometimes I need to realize that not all men would be doing what he does. In fact, a majority of men don't do half of what he does for Braeden & I. Is he perfect? No. Am I perfect? Definitely not. Is our relationship perfect? No. But I'm happy with what we are. Sure, we both have our pasts. Not the greatest, but we've both overcome our insecurities, and trust issues. I just need to remind myself how lucky I am, and Braeden is to have him in our lives. & I know Braeden loves him, just by the way he smiles with his heart every time his Dad talks to him, or walks in the room. He loves his dadday!

I love, the love they have for each other.

I love that summer days call for shirtless afternoons with my chubagub.

My brothers house has HORRIBLE lighting. :(

My mom is doing a wonderful job, but Braeden knows it's not his momma. There is just something about the way a momma can put hee son to sleep. The way I cradle him, as he stares at him till he falls asleep to the lullaby of you are my sunshine....

I don't have many pictures for this post.. it's more of a moment where I look at my life & I want to capture it before I forget how crazy and wonderful things have been lately. Being a mom is hard. Being a young mom is harder. There are times when I hear a song from three years ago & a flood of memories come back.  There are times when I get frustrated. The moments are few and far apart, but they come none the less. I'm not complaining, I just need to remind myself that it's okay. It's okay to reminisce on the old times, and to think about the memories before I was pregnant. I'm saying this because I feel like people think this whole mother thing is an easy thing to do. Sleepless nights aren't as hard as hearing your baby scream of pain & not being able to do anything. Giving up going out isn't nearly as heart breaking as it is leaving your baby to go to work. What I'm getting at is- Once you have a baby, you're committed. Not just physically, but emotionally. You make a commitment not to your self, but this little life you have created. That grew inside you for almost 10 months (yes, a pregnancy is longer than 9 months. 40 weeks is closer to 10 months). The commitment is wholesome & better than anything you will ever commit to in your whole entire life. It is such a gratifying, empowering experience to be a mom. & while sometimes it is hard, & sometimes I get frustrated, it comes with the job. The frustration gets replaced with overwhelming joy, because you have your whole world laying next to you smiling just because you're there. I have learned to cherish every sleepy smile, every happy giggle, because now I see things from a different perspective. The sun shines brighter & the tree's look greener. Things I never thought about twice, I find myself pondering about for days at a time. What once was living through life fearlessly has now turned into living life cautiously. I'm not my own priority anymore, Braeden is, and it is the most amazing feeling one can ever feel. You won't know until you are in this same exact place. I always heard all the typical cliches that come with parenthood, but now they hit home. I know to cherish every moment, because there are times I feel so overwhelmed with the love that has grown for my family. There are moments I want to stop time & remember the feeling forever. No matter how I try to piece these words together, they won't come close to being able to express how I feel. Yes, I have given up living recklessly,  but I have gained so much more. And you know what the most beautiful part about this whole parenting thing is? I will always be gaining, I will always cherish these moments, & the sun will always shine brighter.